what it do, portsmouth and chesapeake? comedy factory and fantasmo, respectively

Tonight (Friday the 6th of May if yr nasty) Portsmouth and Chesapeake have a few of my favorite things going on.

My comedy pal Tim Loulies has an above-board hustle going on over at Comedy Factory: Code Three in Portsmouth. I'm totally going to tell 20 minutes worth of jokes there tonight as the feature. Tim hosts per usual. Looking forward to seeing headliner Alex Scott. 9pm at Code 3 Tavern. Tim has done solids for me and the funny scene and has the best barbecue I've tasted within his family. He's also deeply entertaining. Come see him and you'll find out what I mean.

My other thing that I love that I'm sad to miss is the great Fantasmo. This is where the wonderful Chesapeake Central Library events FantaSci and Monsterfest mated and gave birth to a cult cinema explosion. For one thing, this library is a state of the art facility with ace sound and vision t

hat lets these cats project things on a big screen. For another thing, when public libraries are known for censorship, here we get a librarian and his funky friend pontificating and waxing

fun on (sometimes hard) R-rated features.

Tonight they take on that most fun and daring and uneven genres, the anthology. Shit, I'm going to miss this night, because I've had good anthology nights there. They let me see some great Amicus anthologies on the big screen, and those things paved the way for the great HBO series Tales From The Crypt.

It should be clear here that there is a great fondness here for EC Comics, which wound up giving us MAD Magazine. The best rubric for the series' that recreated their aesthetic is Creepshow, a faux-EC anthology directed by George Romero and written by Stephen King (who also stars in one sequence). Later in the '80s, Romero did his own syndicated anthology, Tales From The Darkside.

Tonight at 8 Fantasmo will be showing Creepshow in all of its featuring-Leslie-Neilson glory. Following at 10:15-ish will be Tales From The Darkside: The Movie. Ha! I didn't even tell you there was an anthology movie there. That's the old Shamylan twist.

plan b presents "light rail"

with jason kypros and legendary theatre director robert wilson

oh, god, it's everywhere

Much of young and restless Norfolk that I've come across this week is all abuzz for Art | Everywhere Opening Night this Saturday, and for good reason. Last year was a striking success, going a long way towards achieving the vision of transforming downtown into an interactive gallery. A feather in the cap for the kids over at AltDaily and everybody who helped them. Including myself. You didn't think I was just going to celebrate local art without talking about myself, did you? This year I've again been assigned to bring the madness and mirth to Hell's Kitchen (actually, they are calling it "Comedy in Hell's Kitchen"). I'll be doing the same thing I did last year but more. More comic friends. More Plan B. More technically organized. Actually that last part was on the word of my contact at Hell's Kitchen, who I learned today is recently not with Hell's Kitchen. Fucking Norfolk bar turnover. In any case I'll be there at 8 making the world laugh. It's gonna be a blast.

Hatin' On Shit: Volume 99 - VANS

I hate those damn Vans everyone wears. You know the ones. The fucking Authentics. I'm looking at three pairs of them right now and there are only two people in this room. Maybe it's just that I'm centralized in Ghent, but I'm pretty sure every-fucking-body wears these fucking things. And one more fuck for good measure.

Yeah, I get; they're practical and simple in style and function. They actually look kinda fresh with almost anything as long as your nasty hipster ass takes care of them. But, as I may have mentioned before, they are fucking everywhere. Maybe it's like a Truman Show kinda deal and I'm the only one who doesn't know that I'm in a Vans commercial. I mean, I guess they're better than Spicollis - the last thing I wanna see is all your giant, ugly hipster feet in checkers. But still...

One of my editors in this little website (not the smart, funny one. He wears New Balance like a real man) has, like, a pair of these things for every day of the week. Okay, cool... but so does his girl. Maybe my sneaker game is of the old school variety, but where I'm from you don't wear the same kinda shoes as your girl. Why don't you get matching outfits and fake gold chains with your names on them while you're at it, you fucking twinkies? You think because you ride a fixed gear around town and wear jorts you're any different than those assholes walking around Chesapeake Square Mall with their fat girlfriend in their matching Tarheel Jordan re-issues? You're not. You're just another dude wearing the same shoes as everyone else. Step your sneaker game up.

Also, I'd like to link the Vans site here in case they'd like to send me some free kicks.

See ya when I see ya.

Love, Jay

and the kypros keeps flowing

another pitch i contributed to kypros ouzo, jason, and plan b. man i want this drink to be real.

theresa smith is a genius

Of course she uses her brilliance to pick apart Van Halen, just for the pleasure of hearing mere mortals bitch and groan about "relevance" and such shit.

the belmont to kill me this weekend

As a deadly storm approaches, Norfolk has both severe thunderstorm and tornado warnings. So hopefully things will be super wild at the Belmont tonight. I've blogged here about Substance (Subsdance), and tonight is the birthday party for Papa Subsdance himself, DJ Hazel, Sean Grimes if yr nasty. Khori Johnson will be dropping in on the ones and zeros, and I'm thinking of doing some hype man duty for him. I'm fairly sure Mr. Grimes loves hype. Things get percolating around 10.

On the off chance I survive this, the Belmont is not stopping there. It won't stop there. Sunday night (April 17, 2011) at 9 brings us the first non-secret public performance of Jason Kypros' Plan B Wolf Gang Kill Them All movement. Feast yr funny bone on some of the videos they've thrown together and turn up for the show.

Kypros Ouzo #2 - watch more funny videos

Kypros Ouzo - watch more funny videos

The Interview - watch more funny videos

kypros ouzo

Here's a little pitch I wrote for Jason Kypros, who is now in the process of getting Plan B Improv (Norfolk not Des Moines) rolling. We simply had to do something while he was sporting that 'stache.

Kypros Ouzo #2 - watch more funny videos

plan b presents "the creature"

jason kypros and plan b are primed to make moves.

also this video is adorable.