Hatin' On Shit: Volume 99 - VANS

I hate those damn Vans everyone wears. You know the ones. The fucking Authentics. I'm looking at three pairs of them right now and there are only two people in this room. Maybe it's just that I'm centralized in Ghent, but I'm pretty sure every-fucking-body wears these fucking things. And one more fuck for good measure.

Yeah, I get; they're practical and simple in style and function. They actually look kinda fresh with almost anything as long as your nasty hipster ass takes care of them. But, as I may have mentioned before, they are fucking everywhere. Maybe it's like a Truman Show kinda deal and I'm the only one who doesn't know that I'm in a Vans commercial. I mean, I guess they're better than Spicollis - the last thing I wanna see is all your giant, ugly hipster feet in checkers. But still...

One of my editors in this little website (not the smart, funny one. He wears New Balance like a real man) has, like, a pair of these things for every day of the week. Okay, cool... but so does his girl. Maybe my sneaker game is of the old school variety, but where I'm from you don't wear the same kinda shoes as your girl. Why don't you get matching outfits and fake gold chains with your names on them while you're at it, you fucking twinkies? You think because you ride a fixed gear around town and wear jorts you're any different than those assholes walking around Chesapeake Square Mall with their fat girlfriend in their matching Tarheel Jordan re-issues? You're not. You're just another dude wearing the same shoes as everyone else. Step your sneaker game up.

Also, I'd like to link the Vans site here in case they'd like to send me some free kicks.

See ya when I see ya.

Love, Jay